Be It Ever So Humble
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Sometimes there's no plack like home. Mild Slash. TWOSHOT
1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: Hello Readers! We would like to encourage each reader and author alike to participate in nominating their favorite fics and authors for the second annual "__**Profiler's Choice CM Awards 2011**__!" The nomination ballot, rules and category summaries can each be found at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" Forum. To reach that post, please either take a trip to the forum itself OR links are provided on the profile pages of ilovetvalot, tonnie2001969, OR Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Nomination ballots should be pm'd to Profiler's Choice CM Awards ONLY. That link is also provided on the forum or through the profile pages listed above. We look forward to hearing from each of you!_

_In order to get the word out to as many as possible, we ask you, our fellow authors and readers, to let others know of this exciting opportunity. Whether by author's notes or Facebook, please let everyone know that the awards season has begun._

_**Also, the NEW challenge sign-ups for Chit Chat's October Challenge have began! "The Masquerade Challenge" is available now and we'd love to see each of you participate. For our Halloween challenge, participants will be able to choose THEIR OWN PAIRING and will be assigned a Halloween prompt to write. For example if you chose to write Morgan Garcia, you might be assigned the prompt "Godzilla". Maybe Morgan shows up at Garcia's apartment to help her hand out candy dressed as Godzilla or, perhaps, they spend Halloween night happily sequestered in her apartment watching a Godzilla marathon. The ideas are endless! So, come on over and take a look!**_

_And for those just wandering into one of our stories, BOTH ilovetvalot and tonnie2001969 are now on __**Facebook**__. Simply friend "Ilovetvalot fanfiction" and/or "Tonnie Fanfiction". We're having a blast getting to know our fellow authors and readers alike. It's a great place to either socialize or get that much needed muse kicking. As of yesterday, we have about 115 of our author and reader friends on our friend list and we'd __**LOVE**__ to add you!_

_As ever, we appreciate every single one of you that takes the time to read and/or review our stories. Your valuable feedback is deeply appreciated and we love hearing from you!_

_**And, for those that have been leaving anonymous reviews, unfortunately, after more than one particularly abusive review in the last couple of days, we have decided to disallow them on our stories. We adore hearing from each one of you, but it has become necessary to change our format in order to be able to address issues one on one. In other words, if you praise a story, we want to say "THANK YOU!", but if you make the decision to be abusive, we may also now defend ourselves, our story and our actions privately rather than publicly.**_

_And, if we haven't stated it before, we do not own Criminal Minds, but darn, we wish we did!_

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**Be It Ever So Humble**

**Chapter One**

Derek Morgan was a astonishingly adept man. Oh, he was aware that most everyone that knew him associated him more with brawn than brains. And that was okay. Most days.

Those closest to him knew the truth.

Especially the one that knew him best.

That's why it always presented him a challenge when trying to surprise his one and only. Usually, he had to contact the Shock Queen herself to pull off such ventures, his skills usually woefully lacking in spite of his best efforts. Honestly, it was virtually unheard of for him to pull together a plan of this magnitude on a solo mission.

But he'd done it, he thought triumphantly as he shoved the Happy Anniversary greeting card into its pale blue envelope and chucked his blue ink pen on the nightstand. Smiling as his keen ears heard the metallic scrape of the shower curtain inside the bathroom opening, he licked his lips, almost tempted to go help his lover towel off.

Oh, who the hell was he kidding? Almost tempted was a woeful understatement!

Shaking his head, he scrapped that idea immediately. If he acted on his impulse, it would be over an hour before he could watch Dr. Spencer Reid open his gift and that wasn't an option he was willing to consider. Not after how much time and effort he'd expended finding just the perfect present for a man that put absolutely no value on gifts. So, as much as he wanted to go towel off his lover's sleek back, he was keeping his ass planted firmly on the bed. Flopping back against the pillows, he closed his eyes and waited.

And waited. And waited. And waited.

Patience was not Derek Morgan's long suit, no matter how much he'd like to pretend otherwise.

Walking out of the adjoining bathroom a few minutes later with a towel wrapped around his narrow waist, Spencer Reid barely suppressed a groan as he found his lover exactly where he'd left him half an hour ago. Which was to say, sprawled lazily in bed. Glancing at the alarm clock, he frowned. "Would you get up? We're going to be late!"

Faking a yawn as he cracked one lid, Morgan smiled lazily as he stretched his arms over his head. "I told you we should have stayed at my place last night. We'd have been closer."

"Your place might be closer, but I refuse to wake up to the sound of construction first thing in the morning. When your street is finally done being repaved, we can sleep at your house," Reid muttered, rifling through his closet for slacks and a shirt.

Grinning at the younger man as he heard the annoyance in Spencer's voice, Morgan replied, "Bitch, bitch, bitch."

"That was not bitching," Reid grumbled, turning to drop his choices on the bed and glare at Morgan. "That was simply a statement of fact."

"Which happens to irk the hell out of you." Morgan yawned again, once again stretching his arms over his head as Reid rolled his eyes. "Have you happened to look at a calendar today, Pretty Boy? Know what day it is?" he asked, scooting up in the bed to prop against the headboard as he watched Reid bend over to open a drawer in his dresser, fishing out underwear and socks and adding them to the pile on the bed.

"It's September 14th," Reid replied distractedly as he scanned the floor for his shoes. Where the hell were they? Had he shoved them under the bed again? No…he had a better idea, memories of the last lost shoe episode tumbling in his mind. Turning to look at Morgan with darkened eyes, he growled. "Where are my shoes?"

Shrugging, Morgan shook his head. "Haven't seen 'em."

"Clooney!" Reid shouted, his cheeks reddening angrily.

Covering his laugh with a well placed cough, Derek watched as Reid turned to jerk open the bedroom door and stop angrily down the hallway. The muffled sound of the ensuing argument between his two favorite living things...his lover and his dog...almost propelled him from the warm bed. Almost being the operative word. As much as he knew that he would enjoy the show, he truly wanted to remain in place for the main feature.

"Give that back!" he heard Reid order down the hallway, his dog answering with a gruff bark, the unmistakable sound of a tug of war following.

"They're mine," Reid whined loudly after a few seconds, only to have Clooney yap at him in return.

"Doggy want a bone?" Spencer bargained hopefully.

Hearing the apartment go silent a moment later, Derek settled against the pillows again when he heard Reid's soft footfalls in the hallway.

"Your dog is a menace," Reid grumbled, shaking a shoe toward Derek as he closed the bedroom door again a second later.

"You love that menace," Morgan replied with a smug grin, wriggling his eyebrows. "Just like you love me."

"Not as much as I did yesterday," Reid muttered under his breath, disgustedly wiping the dog drool off his leather loafer with a corner his towel.

"Me or the dog?" Morgan asked cheerfully, stretching his legs out and making himself comfortable on the bed.

Sighing as he dropped the gnawed shoe on the floor, Reid mumbled, "Do I have to choose one?"

"You know what?" Morgan said generously, rolling to his belly and propping his chin in his hand as he continued smiling, "I'm in such a good mood today that I'm gonna let that go. And that's really nice of me considering you've forgotten what today is."

Pursing his lips as he threw his other shoe on the floor in disgust, Reid shifted his eyes back to the man still lounging in bed. "Seriously, you aren't in the shower yet?" he muttered impatiently, his arms akimbo on his hips.

Ignoring Reid's question, Morgan reached for the box on the nightstand. "And since you obviously aren't going to do the mental math to solve this particular equation, let me help you out," he chuckled, tossing the box to the still damp man in the center of the bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

_Author's Note: Hello Readers! We would like to encourage each reader and author alike to participate in nominating their favorite fics and authors for the second annual "__**Profiler's Choice CM Awards 2011**__!" The nomination ballot, rules and category summaries can each be found at "Chit Chat on Author's Corner" Forum. To reach that post, please either take a trip to the forum itself OR links are provided on the profile pages of ilovetvalot, tonnie2001969, OR Profiler's Choice CM Awards. Nomination ballots should be pm'd to Profiler's Choice CM Awards ONLY. That link is also provided on the forum or through the profile pages listed above. We look forward to hearing from each of you!_

_In order to get the word out to as many as possible, we ask you, our fellow authors and readers, to let others know of this exciting opportunity. Whether by author's notes or Facebook, please let everyone know that the awards season has begun._

_**PLEASE REMEMBER, WITHOUT NOMINATED STORIES, THERE CAN BE NO AWARDS...SO COME ON OUT AND SUPPORT YOUR FAVORITE FANFIC AUTHORS AND NOMINATE THOSE STORIES!**_

_As ever, we appreciate every single one of you that takes the time to read and/or review our stories. Your valuable feedback is deeply appreciated and we love hearing from you!_

_And, if we haven't stated it before, we do not own Criminal Minds, but darn, we wish we did!_

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_*******_** HEY, GUYS. I NEED YOUR HELP! For whatever reason, disabled the Profiler's Choice Awards PM system. That means all attempts to submit ballots failed from September 11 - 16. Could you all please help spread the word that anyone who tried to submit a ballot during this period listed above should RESEND their submissions. I am very sorry for any inconvenience this has caused. We really need help reaching all the different ships out there though. So, PLEASE, those willing to help, let me know if you can include this as part of your author's notes to readers.*****

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**Be It Ever So Humble**

**Chapter Two**

Catching the box mid-air, Reid stared at it. "What's this?" he asked blankly, staring down at the bow and card attached to the top flap.

"You tell me, Genius," Morgan replied, dropping his head to his crossed arms as watched Reid's agile mind work.

Tearing the envelope off the box and tucking it under his arm, Reid plucked the card out, his eyes quickly reading it. "You remembered our anniversary," he said softly, a faint smile playing at his lips, his expression suddenly much softer as he let out a long breath.

"Well, one of us did," Morgan teased, snagging Reid's towel with a long arm and tugging the younger man toward the bed.

"Now, just a minute," Reid hedged, blushing as he held up one hand in defense. "I can not be held entirely responsible for the alleged oversight. As I recall per our last discussion on the matter, the actual date of our anniversary remained unclear. As I recall, today is not the anniversary of our first date," Reid said, using air quotes to emphasis his argument. "But, rather our first sexual encounter."

"So I put the cart ahead of the horse every once in a while," Derek said as he grinned wickedly, wriggling his eyebrows. "What can I say, Pretty Boy? You made it memorable for me," he told his lover as his hand loosened the towel around Reid's waist.

"Hmmm, I'm going to choose to interpret that statement as a compliment," Reid murmured as he made a grab for his falling towel, his fingertips barely glancing against the slipping terrycloth.

Wrapping his hand around Spencer's wrist, Derek's eyes glimmered as Reid lost the battle for his towel. "C'mere, baby," he invited smoothly, a chuckle hidden in the depths of his words. "I wanna watch you open your gift."

"Like you just opened yours?" Reid smirked as he looked pointedly down at his now naked torso.

"Something like," Derek rumbled against Reid's shoulder when the younger man perched on the edge of the bed. "C'mon...take off the lid so that we can get onto the private celebration I've got planned," he ordered, gently nipping at Spencer's collar bone.

"We have to work," Reid reminded his horny lover with a smile as he felt a shiver slide down his spine.

"I already called Hotch. We'll be late," Derek snorted, wrapping a hand around the nape of Spencer's neck and guiding his head down for a slow, wet kiss.

"Construction is inconvenient," Reid mumbled against Derek's mouth, returning the kiss enthusiastically. He was prepared to use any logical reason as an excuse when Morgan touched him like this.

Smiling at Reid's soft moan of protest when he reluctantly ended the kiss, Morgan nodded at the white box his lover held in his hands. "Don't you wanna know what's in there?" he asked hopefully, not wanting to completely sacrifice his well laid plans.

"In where?" Reid asked blankly, blinking rapidly as he tried to convince his body to stand down.

"Your gift, Baby Boy," Morgan chuckled, shaking the box Reid held between his slack hands.

Dropping his eyes, Reid shook his head. "Oh! Uhmm, yes, of course," he said, removing the lid on his box. "It's a piece of paper," he frowned, glancing up at his amused lover.

"Look closer, Spence," Derek suggested, pressing his lips against Reid's neck.

Lifting the single page from the box, Reid scanned the document quickly, his jaw dropping as he realized what he held. Twisting suddenly, he met Derek's satisfied eyes.

"Shocked?" the black man asked with a grin.

"It's a lease!" Reid gaped, his eyes wide.

"Yep, it is," Morgan nodded.

"...with both our names on it," Reid babbled excitedly, his clutching fingers wrinkling the single sheet as he kept reading every single line.

"I'm told that's pretty normal for a couple looking to move in together," Derek replied blandly, his broad shoulders rising and falling as he shrugged.

"You want us to live together?" Reid asked, his heart pounding in his chest. "In the same place? I thought you told me you didn't want to think about commitment," he added, shaking his head as he tried to process what was happening.

"I said that a year ago, Pretty Boy," Morgan replied with a groan. Leave it to the literal man in front of him to throw his hastily spoken words of a year ago at him. "In case you missed the past three hundred and sixty-five days, I've sort of gotten used to the concept. I think it's time for us to move to the next level. And by the way, that total recall thing you can do with your memory is seriously hacking into my high here, babe."

"Roommates?" Reid asked, tilting his head.

"If by roomies you mean lovers that share lots of benefits together, then yeah, roommates," Morgan chuckled, sliding his hand around Spencer's neck again and drawing the younger man closer. "I love you," Derek said solemnly. "I want us to be together."

"Really?" Reid asked hopefully.

"Really," Derek answered gently. "What do you say, Pretty Boy?"

"It depends. Will Clooney have his own room?" Reid asked suspiciously with a look toward his chewed up loafers.

"He'll have a whole garage at his disposal," Derek promised, his fingers tightening on the younger man.

"In that case," Spencer grinned happily, "I'd love to move in with you," he said eagerly, leaning forward press a kiss against Derek's lips. "We have to hurry though," he whispered between kisses as Derek rolled him onto his back. "Work, remember?"

Settling above the younger man, Derek shook his head. "Work can wait. I want to play with my gift now."

"But, I didn't get you anything," Reid gasped as warm lips found one of his flat brown nipples and talented hands stroked his body.

And without a single word, Derek Morgan disproved Spencer Reid's theory at great and detailed length.

And neither man made it in to work that day.

_**Finis**_


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